Hunger pangs

I can afford to feed myself, so I’m not in danger of going hungry. Instead, I am trying to lose weight.

178cm and 82.6kg – I am in the overweight category.

While this is the lightest I have been for at least 4 years, I still have more than 12kg left to lose before I reach a more healthy weight for my height.

I’ve been on an intermittent fasting (IF) 16:8 plan since last year. It has helped a bit, but when I’ve been out food shopping on my own I end up buying things high in sugar and fat and then eating them before getting home.

This is cheating nobody but myself. And I feel horribly guilty after eating the things. Never actually enjoying the moments.

I look back on the good start I made and think how much time I’ve wasted trying to find moments of happiness.

The depression really hit a low a few weeks ago. With the help of my wife, we were able to pull me of the hole. It was then that I realised that the food buying was another part of the depression.

Recently I have been more strick with myself while out shopping. Sticking to the list in my hand, spend as little time away from home as possible.

Life needs to have some moments of relaxation. These have become the weekends. Beer on Friday and Saturday nights. Takeaway food on the Saturday night.

Being able to restrict the fatty and sugary things to these two evenings, and reminding myself that I don’t need extras in the week, have really helped pull my weight down.

But it doesn’t stop the hunger pangs.

I don’t allow myself to have food after 8pm. So when I go shopping around this time, and see all of the extra goodies that are on sale at this time of year…

The depression returns.

I’m in bed now. Wishing the week away so that Friday night gets here sooner.

Maybe the fatty and sugary items are an addiction. Going cold turkey really makes me long for those short term fixes that always leave me feeling nothing but regret.

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